My (mostly) fabulous life

This is how I start my day. Toast on the left, coffee to the far right.

I like to pretend that my life is easy, breezy. I share the fun stuff, the goofy stuff and the exciting stuff. But rarely do I go boring. Until today.

I've been busy with work (YAWN!).

I'm not complaining. Work pays for a lot of stuff. Okay, it pays for everything. I love our new car Mrs B. and she came after I worked a whole bunch of time to make the money to buy her.

And I still do other stuff. We have half season tickets to the Hollywood Bowl again this summer. We go every other Friday night.

Here's the problem, I got up today all full of good intentions to sit down here and write, write, write, a clever blog entry. Share, share, Cher. I sat down at my work desk and already I was behind. I thought I would just get this one thing done and get back to my blogging. But after emailing that one thing, there was a follow up email, then my email was on, then people knew I was at my desk and well... It's 4:00 and I am just stopping to get a bite of lunch and write this boring blog post.

After working on this computer for the last 6 hours, I can't stand to sit here another minute. I have one other thing I planned on doing when I got up this morning, and gosh darn it, I'm gonna get that done too!

It's right here behind me while I've been working all day.
I promised I'd have a nap with Lola and Cooper.

Two More Sleeps

"Sleeps," that's what my mom calls it. When I'm a week away from coming to visit she'll say, "I'll see you in seven more sleeps!"

My baby is leaving for college in two more sleeps, and I'm starting to freak out. Like seriously. A kaleidoscope of butterflies (yes, that's what they're called) has taken up permanent residence in my stomach, my heart is beating harder, and my mouth is dry. Why am I so anxious?

1) My baby is going to college! How is that possible? Since when did they start letting 10 year olds into universities? What? He's 18??? When did that happen? How is it possible, especially given I'm only 32???

2) He's my rock. He is dependable, caring, kind, smart, ambitious, funny, and he's got an old soul. I often feel like I'm the kid and he's the parent. How will I get by? Who will help me take care of the kitties? Who will hug me when I'm feeling sad?

3) I'll be alone in my house for the first time in my life. I lived with my family, then a boyfriend, then my husband, and then my husband and kids. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE ALONE!!!

I had been looking forward to the "empty nest syndrome" up until a few months ago. Now, I'm slightly petrified. And a little excited. And a little sad. And a lot nervous. Will I be okay? Will I figure out how to change a fuse or how to get all the apps onto my cell phone or how to use the DVD player? These are guy things, right? No? Crap!

But, my baby is going to college - HE'S GOING TO COLLEGE!!! He was accepted pre-med to Penn State Altoona, and I know I shouldn't be sad or nervous or afraid. I should be happy, overjoyed, proud, verklempt. And I am those things, all of them. I know this is a true change of life for both of us, and I know we'll both be fine. No, we won't be fine. We'll be freaking awesome! We'll thrive and grow and learn and become more of who we are, who we're meant to be. I'm going to miss him like crazy, and I'm going to have to learn how to do a lot of things I've never done before, but, such is life, right? Things, people, and situations change, and people have an uncanny ability to adapt.

But, still, I'm going to miss my baby...

So, here's to you, Ethan - may this be the first step towards the beginning of an unimaginable life filled with exciting challenges, new frontiers, and dreams come true. And, thank you, my precious son, for filling my life with a kind of joy I will never be able to fully express. I love you to the depths of my heart and my soul.

What about you? Have you sent a child off to college or experienced "empty nest syndrome" or undergone a major life change recently? How did it go? How did you get through it? Any and all advice will be greatly welcomed and appreciated!

Oh, and sharing a birthday with Madonna today is my dear friend, Carolyn. Happy Birthday! You truly make 50 look like the new 30!

Clarity - The Crystal Ball of Life

Clarity. What is it, really? Is it like a crystal ball garnering the ability to see things clearly? An "aha!" moment? Being sober? And how does it show up in life and in your writing?

In life, we have treasured moments where the clouds part and things seem to magically make more sense. Maybe it's a question we've been mulling over or perhaps seeing someone we love in a new light, without our preconceptions and "truths" mixed in. Whatever it is, it is a freeing feeling - like you've taken a pair of sunglasses off and can see the true, bright colors in everything and everyone around you; like you're diving into a cool, refreshing pool on a hot, summer day.

When you're writing, do you seek clarity? Do your characters understand what's going on around them and why? Or is there a murkiness which dulls the senses and leaves the characters and readers wondering what's really up, or worse, not caring? Whether you're writing a true mystery or not, there should always be questions, doubts, a sense of anticipation for the reader. Leaving the reader on edge is a positive thing. But, as a writer, do you have the clarity to see the "big picture" and create the world you imagine? Are you able to bring the reader into the mystery so they wonder what will happen next or what a certain character's motivations are? Do you have the clarity to keep your readers turning the pages?

When you write a story, you are the master of that particular world. The more you know about your characters and plot, the more brilliantly you can bring that world to life. And, in life? The more clarity you have regarding your own motivations, the more adeptly you will be in navigating a happy, healthy life. Are you seeing those you love with your shades on, or do you allow their bold, beautiful colors to fully shine through?

For me personally, I realize I've been seeing things through rose-colored glasses; wanting life to be a way other than it is; wanting people in my life to act differently than they do. But life is not one of my stories. Those in my life are not characters in my books. They are masters of their own worlds. I can not force them to act in ways I wish they would, and that is actually the good news. It's how the world operates. It's the way things are. I am the master of how I think and act, not of how others do.

The glasses are slowly coming off, and I'm starting to see the world around me in a clearer, more honest light. Instead of the fear and anxiety I thought I'd find, I feel freer and lighter and more sure of myself. Clarity breeds honesty which breeds a truer, deeper sense of self and reality. On many levels, I'm learning this for the first time and it is a beautiful lesson, indeed.

What are your thoughts on clarity? Have you ever had an "aha!" moment that changed your life? What about in your writing? How does clearly seeing the big picture effect your stories?

Book Blossoming or On Working With an Editor

I've worked long and hard on my current novel, and now I'm looking forward to it blossoming in ways I never imagined. Why? Because I'm taking on a new adventure: working with an editor.

I made a promise to myself and AA when I first pitched her the idea for my YA novel - that I'd make this manuscript the very best it can be. When the time is right, I'm committed she be able to shop my book around with enthusiastic confidence.

As many of you know, I've recently completed the fifth draft of my novel. I feel it's close to where it needs to be for submission, but as we all know, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. In submitting a novel for submission, especially by a debut author, close isn't even in the ballpark. (I vow to use every cliche I know at least once on my blog, since I love them like my first HS boyfriend, and they're taboo in novels!)

AA suggested I consider hiring an editor and I've decided to take her advice. I feel I've come as far as I can with fleshing out characters and massaging plot points. I've also had six people read (i.e., "beta" readers) the book and their comments have been overwhelmingly positive, which is great, but hasn't given me any new direction. I know the book is not quite there. A completely unbiased, professional set of eyes reading and editing my work and pointing out places where the story has not reached its full potential is an exciting proposition.

So, I'm looking forward to working with brilliant editor, Gretchen Stelter, and can't wait to see where my ms ends up. If you have any specific questions regarding the editing process, leave them in the "comment" section and I'll address them in an upcoming post.

Maybe I'll even bring in AA and BE (brilliant editor) for a question/answer at some point. Let me know if that's something you'd be interested in.

What about you? Have you ever worked with an editor? If so, how did it go? And, where are you on your path to publication?

A Great Day for CIVIL Rights

Unless you were hiding in a closet yesterday (pun intended), you've most likely heard the news that a federal court judge in California ruled Proposition 8 (also know as the California Marriage Protection Act which reads, "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California,") to be in violation of the federal constitutional rights of gays and lesbians to marry the partners of their choice. In his decision, Judge Walker stated, "the evidence shows that Proposition 8 harms the state's interest in equality, because it mandates that men and women be treated differently based only on antiquated and discredited notions of gender." I'm not a religious person, but I say, "Amen!"

Our founding fathers were undeniably brilliant. They had wisdom, common sense, and vision. They knew that by creating the United States of America, they were creating a new experiment on this planet. They were - for the first time in history - creating a country based on freedoms as stated in our Constitution, including the freedom of religion, and rights, as stated in our Declaration of Independence such as the right to pursue happiness. These freedoms and rights were not perfect, and our founding fathers knew this. That's why they included the ability for future generations to amend them. Such amendments have given women the right to vote and blacks and whites the right to marry.

Soon, I hope, we will give all Americans the right to marry.

This issue may very well end up in the lap of the Supreme Court. Hopefully, they will have the wisdom to interpret the law as Judge Walker has and deem prejudice as unconstitutional in these United States of America.

Most who disagree with this decision consider themselves religious, and claim to know the will of God as stated, usually, in the New Testament. DISCLAIMER: I never knew Jesus personally. (I know, shocking, right?) However, my guess is he was a pretty cool dude, loving and accepting of all people with an understanding that there is not a single, limited definition of marriage.

More importantly, this discussion isn't about religion. It's about CIVIL RIGHTS. Can you imagine what an uproar would occur if straight people could form civil unions, but not marry? Chaos would surely ensue. What makes us straight people - with a 50% divorce rate - think we've got some sort of handle on the institution of marriage? (Don't get me started here!!!) The abundantly clear truth is, we don't.

All of us, straight, bisexual, or gay, want the same thing. We want a loving relationship with a partner of our choosing.

So, I say, "GO CALIFORNIA!" and may the whole country follow your lead.

Also, here's a link to literary agent Janet Reid's blog from yesterday. I love her thoughts, particularly as a practicing Catholic, on the subject.

If you're so inclined, I'd love to hear your comments.

The following is from a song written by me and Chuck in July of '95:

True Believers
As you walk upon the water
You lay your hands, you scream, you order
"I believe, I believe, I believe"
You speak in tongues on every border
But, who is listening, where's the christening?
What's the reason, why the screaming?
(You think you have all of the answers...)
Your lack of choice is laced with hatred
You preach from greed as if it's sacred
I believe, I believe, I believe, oh - Someday the truth shall lay you naked
But, who is listening, where's the christening? What's the reason for the screaming?
You say you walk the path with Jesus
You say He died so He could free us
You believe, you believe, you believe, oh - Heaven waits for "true believers"
But, who is listening, where's the christening? What's the reason for the season?
What's your life for? Don't you want more? What's the meaning? Stop your screaming!
This life is filled with things worth keeping, like watching little children sleeping; A beating heart's no human being; I'll pray in school when I stop breathing; But, what if God is truly loving, and not some tight judgmental bastard? You think He cares with whom I'm sleeping? How come it's you who gets caught peeking? And, what in heaven is God thinking? Cups of tears She must be drinking; You think you have all of the answers? You swear you have all of the answers; So, you think you have an answer?

A very good day in California

More to say about this later...

Tonight I attended a rally in West Hollywood to celebrate the overturning of Proposition 8.

All four plaintiffs, both lawyers and other celebrity guests spoke.

Rob Reiner and his wife were there to cheer, they helped introduce the attorneys and helped finance the cause.

Jesus applauded my right to marry!

Home Sweet Home

MAJOR LIFE CHOICE:

My big decision is (drum roll, please!) I've decided to pass on the beach and stay close to home. Being near the most important people in my world (my two sons) is what matters most. I'm still devastated by the recent turn of events in my life, and I don't know how long it'll take to move past it. However, for now, one big decision has been made: I'm staying somewhere in southeastern PA.

Thanks so much for all the kind words and inquiries about my well-being. It means a lot to know so many people care.

WRITING UPDATE:
As far as my YA novel is concerned, AA is currently reviewing it. I hope to be moving forward with that in the near future as well.

What major choices have you made in your lives lately?