You Pimped My Query (And the Sparks are Flying!)

Well, the sparks are definitely flying! I can't tell you how much I appreciate the truly brilliant and insightful feedback I received from the amazing writers out there, and how valuable this exercise has been for me. For any of you who are close to sending out queries, I highly recommend it. (Also, read through the comments - there's some invaluable advice there.)

Please read the query in my last post FIRST and THEN compare it to this one. I can't wait to hear your comments on this new and (hopefully!) improved version (BTW:The word count went from 396 to 317 - a 79 word reduction). AND DON'T FORGET - IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO GIVE ME YOUR TWO CENTS!! :

Dear Future Perfect Agent:

“Thanks for the compliment. I’ve never had a woman hit on me before,” winks Jenny Sampson in SPARKS FLY SOMETIMES: CONFESSIONS OF A ROCK PRINCESS. At 83,000 words, this women’s fiction/humor novel is written in a voice similar to that of Chelsea Handler and Jill Conner Browne.

Jenny’s wild rock and roll adventures catapult her and her husband, Nate to the top of the local Denver music scene. However, setbacks and disappointments strike a dissonant chord and keep Jenny and Nate from breaking onto the national stage. The desire for financial security wins out over artistic uncertainty, and Jenny and Nate take a wide turn from music to medicine. As the ever-supportive wife, Jenny incorporates her “BJ’s for A’s” program, offering sexual favors to Nate for every ‘A’ he receives. He graduates from college and medical school touting big honors and an even bigger… smile.

As Nate morphs from a long-haired Catholic musician into a short-haired Jewish doctor, Jenny gets her Cinderella on and trades her rock star tiara for a domestic goddess crown. But all is not sparkling in suburbia. Marital mayhem ensues in the form of a beautiful assistant DA interested in a threesome, a wealthy heiress with eyes for Nate, and a handsome British rock club owner who falls hard for Jenny. These spicy temptations, along with her reignited craving for fame, put Jenny's marriage and second shot at stardom at risk of complete combustion.

My life as a professional singer/songwriter/musician, doctor’s wife and mother of two is the inspiration behind this novel. I write articles about songwriting as the Philadelphia Songwriter Examiner on Examiner.com. My music has been featured on TV, radio, and on Broadjam.com's Top 10 lists internationally.

I will be happy to send you a partial submission or the full manuscript for SPARKS FLY SOMETIMES: CONFESSIONS OF A ROCK PRINCESS upon request.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Debra Schubert
(Contact Info)

And, by the way, CONGRATS TO JENNI JAMES who won the kitty picture-holding trio! (You might want to hop on over and congratulate her on this extraordinary feat.) My husband, Chuck, found a site called "Random.org" and let it do the work for him. The kitties will have a new home in England with Jenni and her gaggle of children (six? seriously?).