Oddball Products and Events of CES 2011

For the most part, CES is a tranquil affair composed primarily of civilized technical discourse. Then you get to the booth with the dongs.

11 NVIDIA Kegputer

To be fair, this is not the only keg-shaped PC mod out there. But it IS the only keg-shaped PC mod I've seen that can still dispense beer as the Lord intended. The kick-ass Sandy Bridge sporting rig not only contains the newest and bestest CPU CES has to offer, it can dispense a half-gallon keg of beer out of its own self-refrigerating and carbonation unit. The Kegputer was pouring Sierra Nevada Pale Ale at the show. It was also running Starcraft II on three 30 inch monitors in portrait mode, which is much better than I can do when filled with a half gallon of grog.

10 Lady Gaga + Polaroid Instant Camera

I don't know what's more bizarre: that Polaroid is trying to get us to reinvest in instant cameras , or that Lady Gaga showed up at CES claiming to carry a Polaroid photo printer in her purse wherever she goes. At a show whose guests have traditionally been on par with Michael Dell's dry cleaner, there sure was an uncomfortable amount of star power this year: 50 Cent even showed up to sign autographs and shill his headphones. Is there no place left where nerds can just be among our own kind?

9 iPhone turns Vibrator

Do you have so much money that you can afford to void your iPhone's warranty with bodily fluids? Then perhaps I can interest you in OhMiBod's Body Heat, an app that can set your "personal massager" to vibrate in time with your iPod's music, with you controlling the strength and speed of the vibration via the touch screen. How app crackdown-happy Apple let this slip by I have no idea. Just don't you go syncing this up with something like "Teddy Bear's Picnic" and ruin it for everybody.

8 Angry Birds, the Board Game

The app everybody has is now being made into a physical board game by Mattel, complete with plastic birds and pigs. Draw a card, use the plastic wooden planks to build the structure pictured, then knock it down by launching a bird from the tiny slingshot.You might as well just throw the cards away, though, because you know the real fun in this is just knocking everything down. Grab some army dudes, action figures, blocks, a neighbor kid--get them all in the mix and watch them fall on their knees before the power of your mighty slinger. The game will hit stores at the respectable MSRP of $14.99.

7 iCade for iPad

I've never particularily felt the need to turn my iPad into a tiny arcade cabinet, but now that I am aware such thing is possible, I am unable to concentrate on anything else. Online retailer Think Geek first conceived of the iCade as an April Fool's joke last year, but as has happened with their other April Fool's joke products (Star Wars TaunTaun sleeping bag, 8-bit tie), this one is actually coming to life thanks to ION Audio. It'll be out this spring for $99, and with Atari already working on games like Asteroids for the iOS, this doesn't seem entirely crazy to me.

6 Get Violently Tasered, Win a Hat

Step right up to the Taser booth, tell the attendant "Yes, Tase me, bro!", and you'll get a commemorative Taser hat and coin. Of course, you will actually have to experience a full Tasing (after, naturally, you sign a two page waiver that says you won't sue in the event of your organ being punctured or you straight up dying). If I could have, I would've just spent every day of CES camping out in front of the booth watching people get Tasered for a shitty cotton cap with an unidentifiable logo. Who would agree to this? You must be aware of the risk of taking a public dump after experiencing thousands of volts of electricity running through your body.

5 CTA Digital Inflatable Kart

Could Mario Kart get any more fun? Yes, says CTA Digital, if you play it while sitting in an inflatable toy shaped like a go-kart. Check it out, though, the steering wheel's got a holder for the Wii remote--the ingenuity of which is worth at least $20 of the $40 asking price. The kart itself can support up to 300 pounds of obese American toddler. Your kids will probably hate you, though, when they see this in the living room and then quickly realize what it actually is. Doug from CTA says he has "no doubt you'll be the most popular person on the block" if you buy this, though, so it might be worth the risk.

4 I Am T-Pain Microphone

Autotune user T-Pain showed up at CES to promote his new business endeavor, the I Am T-Pain microphone. According to Mr. Pain, the mic works just like the eponymous app. Talk into the mic and your voice comes out like Robot Squeaky Fromme farts. You should be able to buy this for $39.99 this summer, if you can't think of anything better to spend forty dollars on than bearing a superficial resemblance to a song interrupter who hasn't been on the charts for many moons.

3 The Showbots

A back-talking Showbot jamming out to AC/DC roamed the halls of CES, confusing conference-goers and leaving broken-hearted and confusingly aroused women in his wake. Turns out they're roving mansuits available for hire should you want to promote your company and/or item, and though I'm receiving nary a robo high-five for mentioning them, every company needs to start using these instead of giving me crappy pens and water bottles I'm just going to give to Goodwill to feel good about making a living eating Lornadoones and typing about robots.

2 ioPrego Electronic Rosary

Having been raised Catholic, I did a lot of rosaries as a child. Some for sass-talking my mother, others for waking up late for school, others still for accidentally eating an entire sleeve of communion wafers I thought were crackers (this is actually true). Basically you have to say a prayer for every bead on those long necklaces, and it's pretty easy to lose track of which bead you're on when you've already done thirty Hail Marys and you want to go outside and play. Now, thanks to the ioPrego, which I first thought was Italian for iPregnant, something that would've made a much better gadget, you and your Catholic bros can take advantage of Chinese innovations to worship Mother Mary just how she would've liked: easily, and with beeps.

1 Calibur11 Xbox 360 Vault

How much did you spend on your Xbox 360? $300, max? Well, instead of buying a protection plan for a fraction of the cost, why not buy a Calibur11 vault for $90? Though the Vault won't protect your 360 from technical failure, which, chances are, what will actually break it, it will probably protect your Xbox from being punched. It also makes a scary face on the side. Approved by Major League Gaming!

Top 10 Most Expensive Pens in the World

1. Aurora Diamante fountain pen

Price: $1,470,600
The Aurora Diamante is the most expensive writing instrument till date.
Only one is for sale per year. The Aurora Diamante contains over 30
carats of De Beers’s diamonds on a solid platinum barrel. It has a
two-tone, rhodium-treated, 18KT solid gold nib and is personalized with a
coat of arms, signature or portrait. Aurora Pens says it is the only over 30
carat pen in the world.

2. Mystery Masterpiece – Mont Blanc and Van Cleef & Arpels Limited Edition

Price: $730,000
To commemorate the centenary of these two renowned brands, Montblanc
and Van Cleef & Arpels have collaborated on this fine, limited editions
Mystery Masterpiece. Three individual editions, each set with either rubies,
sapphires, or emeralds, will be crafted. Using the “Mystery Setting”
technique for the gemstones, these intricate writing instruments are set to
stun with their extravagant design, and equally-extravagant price: at
US$730,000 each, they are truly a fitting homage to a century of each
brands’ respective history.

3. La Modernista Diamonds – Caran d’Ache

Price: $265,000
La Modernista Diamonds was made by the Swiss company Caran d’Ache
in 1999 in homage to Antonio Gaudi (1852-1926), the most famous of
Modernist architects. This amazing fountain pen was sold in Harrods,
London, for $265,000, becoming the most expensive pen in GUINNESS
WORLD RECORDS in 2001. La Modernista Diamonds is made of rhodium-
coated solid silver components. It boasts of an 18-carat rhodium-coated
gold nib and is set with a total of 5,072 Wessel ton diamonds weighing in
at 20-carats, as well as and 96 rubies totalling 32-carats. The pen was
hand-made by master jeweler Robert Perron and it took him six months
to complete this true masterpiece of writing instruments.

4. Omas Phoenix Platinum – Fountain Pen Luxury Limited Edition with Diamonds

Price: $60,000
With overwhelming price tag of $60,000, this truncated cone shaped pen
is a true embodiment of fact and fancy. Made with 950 platinum and
yellow Enamel, with considerable length and diameter, 18K gold rhodiated
engraving nib.

5. Visconti – Ripple H.R.H. Fountain Pen

Price: $ 57,000
One of the most remarkable Visconti pens is Ripple H.R.H. Limited Edition
fountain pen. Made of 18K white gold and diamonds and with two-tone
18K gold nib, it costs $57,000.00. It has double reservoir filling system
and is sold in two variations – white gold and black.

6. Visconti – Alchemy H.R.H. Fountain Pens

Price: $ 57,000
The beautifully handcrafted Alchemy HRH by Visconti is part of the HRH
collection of handmade fountain pens and roller ball pens from this fine
pen maker. This luxury pen, unlike other fountain pens, has two nibs, two
ink reservoirs and is trimmed with two different metals � exquisite gold
and silver vermeil. Both nibs are of the best 18K gold and come in
different sizes to suit every writing style. Even those used to writing with
roller ball pens will love using the Alchemy.

The body is made from a classic, rich, red resin and the gold and silver
trim is decorated with expensive 4K diamonds and rubies. One cap has
gold trim, the other silver, and these trims interlace to create a cosmic
map with alchemic symbols – stunning!

7. Visconti – The Forbidden City H.R.H. Fountain Pen

Price: $50,500.00
The Visconti brand is known for best quality, style and creativity. This
distinguished Visconti pen is the Forbidden City H.R.H. Limited Edition
fountain Pen. Made of black resin, 18K gold and diamonds and boasting
of Power Filler innovative filling system invented by Visconti, it is sold for
$50,500.00.

8. MARTE – Omas Fountain Pen

Price: $43,000
Omas Fountain Pen MARTE is part of the Viaggi dell’Uomo, Travel of Man,
Masterpieces collection of custom design fountain pens, roller ball pens
and pen sets. The Marte (Italian for Mars) is actually a map of Mars made
from classic rose gold to represent the pink-red hue of the planet.

Deserts, mountains and craters all feature on the barrel of this pen and
four rubies mark the landing points of the Russian and American probes.
The cap is encrusted with 2K of small diamonds reminiscent of the polar
ice caps and the clip details astronomer Tycho Brahe’s Mural Quadrant.
Even the rose gold nib is engraved with a representation of the Greek God
Mars! There are just 30 of these fountain pens in circulation, so they are
perfect for the pen collector to add to his expensive pen collections, or for
the executive who enjoys writing with designer pens.

9. Gaia High Luxury – Omas Fountain Pens

Price: $43,000
Gaia high Luxury fountain pens and roller ball pens by Omas are a
glimpse into the dark and deep recesses of the earth. The impenetrable
inner core of the earth has inspired wonder, curiosity and interest in man
since creation. A miscellany of precious materials such as the white and
yellow 18K gold, the Onyx, the Crystal rock, the hematite and the vegetal
resin has been utilized into the making of this mystic model by Omas.

Gaia High Luxury fountain pens and roller ball pens are a presentation in
the celebration of Jules Verne’s futuristic vision of the world. It also
commemorates the one hundredth death anniversary. Depicting
geographical wonders of the world, the pen absolutely differs from pens
that reflect the classic essence of history. The dark grey colour of the
metal that it is made of, symbolizes the trip to the dark interior of the
earth. The body of the pen from top to toe features the engraved images
of gigantic spiders, carnivorous plants, and water beasts. The blend of
fear and wonder in the engraving of these horrors makes this particular
model different from a range of pen collections.

10. CREW 60TH White Gold – Tebaldi fountain pens

Price: $43,000
TIBALDI Pens CREW 60TH are a landmark in pen making history with
Bentley, the automobile giant creating its own handcrafted pen sets in
association with the world’s best Italian luxury designer pen maker,
Tebaldi.
These expensive Tebaldi for Bentley pens have a two-tone 18-carat
yellow gold nib covered in rhodium and ruthenium. The pen’s barrel has
the fine finish identical to Bentley’s dashboard. This finish was first used in
Bentley’s earliest car with a technique called engine tuning. The pen’s cap
and upper and lower barrel parts are knurled for a good grip while writing
for the executive. You can see the level of ink through the transparent
window of the Tebaldi for Bentley pens. A handmade tie shaped clip on
the pen marks Tebaldi’s signature.
The Tebaldi for Bentley Crewe 60th white gold fountain pen collection is a
limited edition of 40 solid white gold fountain pens