SUBLIMINAL MONDAY - Edits, Don't You Love 'Em? [Um, no.] or I WANT MY SKINNY JEANS!

Since my first edition of SUBLIMINAL MONDAY was wildly successful [compared to my "modeling career"], I thought I'd make a tradition of it. This week's post is about EDITS! I don't know about you, but I love them [they make me want to throw myself from a bridge.]

Last night I received the edits for the 2nd draft of my novel from my agent. I was thrilled since she barely made any suggestions. [The manuscript (mss) looks like a triple homicide was committed on it. Red splattered everywhere. Shocking. Horrible. Terrifying.] My agent is brilliant [no really, she is], but apparently hates me and thinks I have no talent. [She hates me and thinks I have no talent.]

Actually, all those red marks are a good thing, right? [No.] I mean, it shows she cares about me and my writing and wants me to grow as an artist. [She's banging her head on the wall wondering why she signed me.] So, now I've got work to do, which is great, because I love reworking my novel over and over again. [Yeah, right, and I love cleaning bathrooms, too.]

I've got to buckle down and get cracking. [I have no idea what that means.] Since I'll be alone most of the day in a hotel room all week looking out my 31st floor window at the beautiful Inner Harbor of Baltimore, my plan is as follows:

1) Carefully read every page and give all comments my utmost attention. [Stare out the window as the boats sail by. Take pictures. Tweet them. Read new issue of US Weekly.]

2) Make changes as requested. [Nap.]

3) Read the editorial letter with keen interest. [Editorial letter? What editorial letter? Oh, you mean the attachment sent along with the mss? Dang, how did I miss that? BWAHAHAH!]

4) Call my agent and tell her what a genius she is for "fixing" my ms. [Call her and tell her she's a genius and thank the agenting gods for like the millionth time for sending her to me.]

One more thing: In the email Awesome Agent sent along with the bloodied mss, she said the following:  

"Think of this like boot camp. It really sucks to wake up at 5a.m. and go to the gym, but in six weeks when you need a skinnier pair of skinny jeans, you feel pretty damn good about it."

[I told you she was brilliant. Mean, but brilliant. And, yeah. I'm thinking "coral."]

Be sure to check back next Monday when I report on all the hard work I've done to whip my manuscript into shape. I promise, you won't want to miss that post! [I also promised my mom I'd wait until I got married to.... Oh, never mind.]