SUBLIMINAL MONDAY: Meeting Awesome Agent - The Ballad of B & D

I bet you're wondering how my meeting with Awesome Agent aka Bernadette Baker-Baughman of Baker's Mark Literary went? [You're not? Fine. Be that way. I have no feelings.] It wasn't easy, people, let me tell you: It. Was. Not. Easy.

First of all, she was supposed to fly in on the Red Eye Tuesday night, but, guess what? The East Coast got slammed with the biggest storm in like a bazillion years. [That's not an exaggeration. It was a bazillion and three years since the last storm this big hit Philly, Baltimore, & DC. Google it if you don't believe me.] So.... plane canceled.

Tears streamed down my face at warped speed for the next 24 hours until, VWALAH - Wednesday night Red Eye took flight! Yes, Maribelle, there is a God and her name is jetBlue. [I've no idea who Maribelle is, and if God existed, which I'm not completely convinced she does, her name would most definitely NOT be jetBlue. It would probably be something like Sasha or Ariella or Alexandra or Sasha Ariella Alexandra. You know, something with beauty, elegance, a little oomph.] Alas, my tears dried up like the Sahara after a wicked rainstorm, and joy began to creep back into the soft, slight creases on my face. [Okay, they're craters. Whatev.] Awesome Agent managed to fly 3,000 miles into the City Of My Birth, and now it was my mission to travel a mere 94 miles from Philly to NYC. No big woop, right? WRONG! In my humble town, we received 20 inches of snow atop the previous 15 inches that was dumped on us only four days prior. Three freaking feet of snow, people, three freaking feet of snow. So, guess what?

1) Honey plowed our driveway with our super-duper snow-blower for three hours and we still couldn't get a car out.

2) I couldn't get a cab to the train station.

3) Most of the trains were either not running, or seriously delayed.

So, AA was in NYC and I was, once again, crying at home in Philly. [Do you feel bad for me? Cuz you should definitely feel bad for me. Heck, even I feel bad for myself! This story is a real tear-jerker.] I was supposed to have dinner with AA, but I couldn't even get to my mailbox.

She wrote to me in an email, and I quote, "The force is strong with you, young Jedi. I believe that you'll make it. ANYTHING is possible."

Wow. She called me, Young Jedi. How could I so thoroughly disappoint my Master, especially when she'd traveled thousands of miles just to see me? [She had meetings galore in NYC. Dinner with me was, no doubt, a regretful afterthought.]

LIGHT BULB MOMENT! I could try to get into New York on FRIDAY! I checked the train schedules and paid the price of a plane ticket, but it was worth it, because I was on my way to meet my Master! The clouds parted, the sun shone through, the flowers bloomed, and Sasha Ariella Alexandra spoke to me. She said, "Good job, my young Jedi. The Force is most definitely with you!"

[BTW: For those of you new to my blog, if you were looking for a "meeting" here, AA doesn't mean what you think. AA stands for Awesome Agent. And, best of luck with your sobriety.]

So, after what seemed like a lifetime of tears and sadness and disappointment and sheer terror, I found myself on a bumpy, ice-lining-the-tracks train ride to NYC. [There wasn't even one scintilla of terror, I just thought I'd toss it in for effect. Did it work? Were you terrified? Good. Then, I'll give my bud Stephen King a shout-out. He's kind of green at the fear game - thinks it's "his calling" (such a Drama King!) and I believe strongly you've got to encourage the newbies.]

I arrived in Penn Station not much worse for the wear - a few hairs out of place, my make-up smeared, some drool on my chin from a much-needed nap - I mean crying for 24 hours wears you out! And then, as if in a beautiful dream, there was AWESOME AGENT! Amidst the millions of busy New Yorkers racing by, AA appeared in a black and white checked coat made of pure awesome. She walked up to me in slow motion and gave me a long, much-needed hug. I'm fairly certain Steven Spielberg hovered above in a hecidoctor [That's what my son called a helicopter when he was little. Isn't that cute? No? Oh, well, never mind then.] filming the most intense, history-making, literary moment EVAH!

We slipped inside an Irish Pub and got down to the business of getting to know each other in person. Phone calls, emails, tweets, and even Skype, don't begin to convey the magnificence of AA. She's exactly as I imagined - an angel sent from Heaven to help me along my literary path. She even has wings, I swear, it's true! [And, yes, Maribelle, the Pope is Jewish.]

We did an 8-minute vlog answering questions submitted by my dear followers. I will post that vlog later this week. All I'll say about that is that it's downright hilarious [think Chelsea Handler meets Lewis Black] and is filled with way-important literary tidbits. You will not be disappointed! [You may be bored, but you will not be disappointed!]

Until then, I hope your Valentine's Day was filled with love, and more importantly, chocolate, and that you're enjoying the Winter Games in Vancouver.

Go USA!